Today I am the Me brought out by You

Mirrors reflect what you haven't seen
Missing doesn't mean gone
Smiling doesn't mean happy
And happy doesn't mean whole
Lonely lips that can't seem to kiss right
Curvy lips that aren't quite missed either
Hips and a body that seem to be overlooked
Broad shoulders and strong arms that can hold so much
But little of what's held holds true meaning itself
Oh well, moving on
We are what we are
No more, certainly no less
Your attraction may be conditional
If not, mine is guaranteed to be
I am without you now
You are without me
Big picture makes no difference
If none can see it
Stupid decisions
Fueled by more
There is no end to this
Only possibility of replacements
Which get boring with time
Grow tired
Get annoyed
Expectations grow and grow
Hopefully we'll find what it is we're looking for
No stone unturned,
Every path lit up
Making as many mistakes as possible along the way
One of these days we'll wake up
Probably not soon
But we're searching

Good Morning From Within My Mind and Soul

For some reason I woke up today extremely aware of my surroundings, which leads me to feel extremely blessed. True, sometimes life leads you down a path that takes you away from where you want to be. Often this is necessary. You don't know where you would be had you not taken that path and ended up where you are now. I cannot regret any part of my life. Yes, there is room for improvement. Yes, there are still miles and miles until total happiness. Yes, I do still need to work harder. But I finally see both behind and before me. This is a road often traveled, but not often does one reach their ultimate destination. This is my statement. You have not yet seen the best of me. I am no longer afraid to show it to you. Thank you to all who have brought this before me. Those who have hurt me have only made me stronger. I wish you the best. Some are so troubled within themselves that they feel they must do unto others in ways that may hurt them, as to feel more secure about themselves.


And a special thank you to those who have been there beside me the whole time. You have watched me fall, fail to pick myself up, kick myself while I'm down and you have also seen me get off my knees, stand and cry with joy as I once again found myself. Often I lose myself to love. (Friends, relationships, family issues.) This is because there is so much within me, I cannot stand to lose it in any form. I give myself to those I care about completely. If you know me, you know this already. I will go through any troubles to help those I care about. I believe we all should. You cannot truly love another unless you love yourself. However, you cannot truly love yourself if you have never loved another, either. So once again, thank you for carrying me on the days I couldn't stand, let alone walk. Thank you for your honesty when I didn't want to take it. Thank you for allowing me to find my own way while still loving me as you watched me do wrong to myself.
For every action, there is a reaction.
You lose friendships, lovers, burn bridges and ultimately all you've done is show people how unhappy you are with yourself.


I am sorry to those who are unhappy. I do wish you could look within yourself to find the truth rather than point out your own truths in others and try to hurt them. Heal yourself. Then turn to others for support. None can fix what is broken but you. Trust me, I know.

I have spent many years blaming others, hurting others and cheating myself out of what I really want. I felt like I didn't deserve it. So if I didn't, why should you? This is unfair. This is cruel. And quite frankly, immature. Wake up, grow up, and buy a mirror. Be good to yourself. Until you do that you will never know what it means to truly love another human being of any kind, whether it be a family member, friend, or lover.

As I type all of this, I am aware that not all will read it. This does sadden me somewhat, since those that know me are aware when I have something to say, there is usually nothing more truthful. However, I do feel that those who need to read it will. Take something from it, if you don't at least take this moment to close your eyes and look around you. Think about all you have physically, mentally and emotionally. We are all blessed. Be sure to show those you care about what they truly mean to you. Not everyone does. And sadly, not everyone knows.


If you received this you know I care about you. Take it to heart.
And have a beautiful week. Have a beautiful life. You are loved.
Each and every day is up to you.


"The way you think creates the world around you" -Dexter


Sarah Mae Mills <3

Moving Forward Is Not Moving On

I have been staring
At these pages for months
Somehow it never seems
To be quite enough
I can't get rid of you
These words fall from my mouth
And straight to the ground
Fall through the page
But don't make a sound
My hand is tired of wasting
The ink I've used on you
My ears are tired of missing
The playlists I can't
Listen to, because of you
And sometimes..
I'm still not okay
But I know I've got to-
Wake up
Make it through the day
There's no way to know
If you meant what you said
So I've got to
Wish you the best
Pick up my head
And keep moving
I've got to keep moving
I've got to-
Get back up and keep going
But don't look back
Or you might crash
I feel like I've been staring
Through the windows
I walk by slowly
Waiting for a reflection to look familiar
I know I've changed
I've changed
In some ways for the better
But I can't help
But to miss you
Want to hold you
And I know that's wrong
I've gotta keep moving
Open your eyes
See the sunrise
It's a beautiful day
I'm always gonna miss you
But someday soon, I'm gonna be okay

The Beginning of The End

Silly girls repeat their actions
Begging heartbreak to follow them
From town to town
And that's exactly what I've done
You never did deserve to love me
I should have seen it coming
But I looked the other way
And let the music fill my insecurities
While you controlled the radio
And we drove up and down California
In my car, you drove my mind
As your eyes told me you loved me
Your mouth couldn't form the words
So I said it first
You acted surprised
Like you couldn't admit
What was coming then
It was the end-
If you can't tell me you love me
Baby, we've got trouble ahead
That should be the easiest thing in the world
To say to me, if you mean it
I loved you and I couldn't help
I wanted to shout it out
And that's the difference between you and me
That's the space filler you can't quite see
That holds us at a distance
I accept all of my insecurities
True, I may bleed a little
But all wounds heal
And I will grow from them
But you, no, you don't know
How to face your fears
So here you'll dwell in the past
It's not that I'm leaving you behind
Like I said before, I can't help
But be too kind
It's you who refuses to move forward
And I can't stay here anymore

Forgiven

I stood frozen
While you stared, right through me
Quiet, heavy breathing
Whirl-wind thinking
And I was spinning
But you caught me by the mouth
Swore you would protect my heart
Just before you left me standing, staring through

Twelve months, doubled
Such little time to pass
What a mistake it was
Time is always fleeting
I've given you far too much
With wasted patience,
I've been too kind
Bent over backwards,
An ending is long overdue

Still..
What a sweet taste you left on my lips
Such a hot burn you left on my skin
Keeping me close, I couldn't see it back then
Blinded by a small taste of sin
And then I begged to taste it again

Still..
Two years later,
I've loved you with all I had
You chose to take the hard road
And ignore everything I asked
Here and now, I can't regret to inform you
Your hold on me has passed on,
Dead or gone, it doesn't matter
I stand from within my own heart
And I smile

Night Vision

Kindred spirits
Twin souls
Sitting, your body faces mine
Taking my hands in yours
As I smile
Inhale. Wait.
Exhale. Wait.
Lean in closer
Feel my breath warm your lips
As your breath warms mine too
Lean in closer
Let our eyes rest
Lips like petals touch
Falling in together
Synchronized
Pure
Let our souls escape
Through our tongues
And wait
Pause here
My soul leaves through my lips
Rises above my body
To meet yours
For yours has done the same
They dance
They play
And they too share lips warm embrace
We exchange
I feel your soul within me
Mine within you
Truth. Torment. Beauty. Honesty. Fear. Love.
I see you.
Inhale. Wait.
Exhale. Wait.
We open our eyes
And share a smile, wholeheartedly
Staring at ourselves in one another
Hazy, as though in a dream
And then my eyes flutter open
And I realize it was.
Good morning and hello.
I see you.