Scrapbooks.

With a clear mind and a soft voice
I'll recall the words I never thought I'd say at all
There was something about the way
You'd take my hand
Almost felt like I was praying never to let go
I remember nights I would scream
At the height of my lungs
& cry your name & pray again
You would appear before me
Then everything would be okay
The way I would close my eyes
& pretend your lips are what found mine
The only thing to find them
Was the salt from my eyes
But you found me then
Not even I knew I was lost
You brought me to a place where
I could stand before a mirror and face myself
I know I can be harsh
& sometimes cruel
But so can you
We've always balanced each other out that way
Now I know it was unfair
To claim to you, of all people
You didn't care enough
Now I see-
You cared too much
Insecurities will eat you alive
Just another thing for you
Keep in mind
Don't mind if I address you directly
I loved the way said
You'd always miss and love me
So, here I wait
Always in pieces
Most of which I'll never get back
But I'm at peace with you
Hopefully, I believe, you're at peace with me
I'll admit, I just wanted you
To try a little harder
Well, closing the pages for now
I recall-
Everything I never thought I'd say at all
I have loved
More than the sun
And moon
Is to Love
I still do
What does that mean to you?

This Is What They Mean When They Say Forever

Your voice was hanging on the wind
With a whisper on my skin
You told me to kiss you and I did
That's when it started again
Cool air finds its way up my shirt
Intertwined with your hand
On the small of my back
We go for a walk, city lights-blinding
But I can't take my eyes off you
So I knew what to do
I let myself find a little crush on you- like the first time
One last night & one more day
To say everything we've wanted to say
In the last two years
I watch you sleep and I wonder what life would be
If you chose me, back in the very beginning
You watch me sleep and you wonder what life would be
If I chose you, back in the very beginning
It's now morning at the beach, did you
Just wrap your arms around me, kiss my cheek?
I couldn't help but think there's no where else I'd rather be
Dreams can't just be for.. We'll wait and see
Dinner before goodbye-
One last kiss to settle my eyes
Hold back the tears & let my heart fly
For the first time in years
What. Have. We.. Gotten ourselves into here?
Hours to drive home. Days to pass slowly.
Weeks to fly by until suddenly you're with me
For the fourth time this year
Phone calls and video have kept us close
But here you are, eyes on me
Hands in hair, your lips find mine
I give thanks to everything you give to me
Every glance and smirk you send my way
The way you smile at me
Like I'm the brightest sun you've ever seen
You can't look away.. No
I can't look away either
Staring like the ocean, waiting every night for the sun to rise again
So we did the unthinkable-
I fell in.. Love with you
& you fell in love with me
That would be- How everything fell apart
It's too hard to love who you can't see
It's too hard trust who you can't be with
Isn't that what you said?
You long to sleep next to me, feel me breathe
Kiss me in my dreams
You made me fall for you
You did, you made me fall
You needed me
Needed me to say it too
So you wouldn't need me anymore
And left here, I still do

Now I'm waiting on a letter I'll never see
Waiting on a call I'll never get
Waiting for the words I'll never hear from you
Part of me, says I'm pathetic
It couldn't be worth it
What would I know about love like this
And then all the little pieces, strewn across the floor
Scream at me in whispers
Who could know better?
This is what they call,
Heartbroken

A Secret To Be Shared

Each line and verse, still about you
After all this time
How can so much be left unsaid
In the hours in all the days of the months
We passed by
It should've been years
I needed years to be with you
Should've been
The way I fell
I hit the ground, ferociously
Furious, furious and furiouser still
The way I fell for you
The way I crashed and the burn
That was left in my chest
Still aching from time to time
I feel a breeze and think of the way
My skin would warm and cool all at once
With the touch of your fingertips
Pressed on me, ever so lightly
I'll feel the rain and suddenly your laugh warms me
Smiling, you're so much brighter than any sun I've ever seen
Your eyes would pierce me as ice
Pushing through my veins in the deepest way
I still feel the shiver
-Every once in a while
I fool myself and say I'm moving on just fine
I'm healing and my heart is growing
To damn near full capacity
But, I'm a liar
Still aching, still feeling
You whisper, breath
Tickle my skin while I sleep
I hear you. I hear you.
While I drive, whilst I wait
As I sit I hear your voice
Singing, sweetly the words I wrote
Once upon a time when I
Could still speak to you
And I sang to you,
Words from the deepest place in my soul
So much further down, within a heart
Closer than I ever thought I'd know
So because I can't say the words to you
I can't find the courage to be refused
I write each line and verse
I repeat my words
I can find the courage
To tempt my ink again
Written are the words I can't say out loud
But sing louder, in a whisper
Sometimes.. I miss you
I do, I hear you..

The sun feels dim when your eyes find mine. If only a wish could steal away time.

The Battle.

Here I stand
Body aching
Lips trembling
Palms sweating
Tired, sick, lonely
Withering
And you stand
Eyes shifting
Fists clenching
Ever the untrusting
Fearful, lonely, tired
My flag has raised
Yours envelopes me
Choking with only
The softest of fingertips
A kiss upon my hand
A wrap around my wrist
I am... Struggling
I struggle to walk
Struggle to stay
You struggle to grasp
Stuggle to give
We struggle to let go
Soon, I will fall
Only moments
Before my body
Becomes one with earth
I will fly
And you will wish you kissed my lips
So you might be able to fly too

Peace is of you. Pieces of me.

You don't know pain
Until you know love
I didn't know love
Until I knew you
Now I am love
It emanates from within every piece of me
And without you,
I'm in pieces 
Miles and resistance can distance 
The physical and create a barrier
But love and trust can bring us
And our hearts back home again
And tear down the wall
That builds itself while we sleep apart
I lay with my head
Buried in the pillow
Pretending you're here with me
I can almost hear your breathe
I will hold my head up for you
And count the days until your lips will
Find mine here, 
Waiting
So patiently
Every day feels longer than the last
It's only 10am and I'm ready for sleep again
I've been up since 6 
Done damn near everything I have to do today
To keep myself from missing you
But every minute is an hour
I'm feeling a little left behind
The whole world can move on
Moving forward in time
But I'm left to all of my thoughts that you take
This is over and I'm feeling a little alone
But I never knew love before you
I never knew pain before this
I'm well acquainted with both
Now is here and I'm okay with it
So long as at the end of each day
I'm still on your mind
I'm still in your heart
And I can be love for you too
It emanates from within every piece of me
And without you,
I'm in pieces 
How are you?

Last Train Before Sunset

You are my muse
Every goodbye kiss
Is one that I won't miss
We shouldn't have to say goodbye
So many times
I'll hold you here until
They pry you loose
And memorize your face until
My very last day
My words are just thoughts
I can't keep to myself
Still, I need you in a way
That makes angels miss the sky
And I don't know how to say this
The curve of your body, pressed
Against mine
--Your lips begging

-I will hold this
Forever in time
We could lay for days
Feeding off only the emotions
Of one another
Still, I have to leave
And you have to leave me
As you go
Remember me always
For I will remember this
I've never been so honest
And I feel a change in me
With every shade and hue
Falling on the surface
Of this earth
I feel a ray of light
Reaching out to me
I can't help but feel it's you
It was passing so slowly
So where did the time go
Where did our lives go
It's hard to feel awake without you
was i living?
can I smile without you
 I will keep a smile for the both of us
I will remember this for always
Hold my kiss and watch the sun fade

This was never meant to have an ending
Your last train is only our beginning...-

Love? Surecould.

Such a simple mourning
Sun rising in the dawn
The night falls into nothing
Beneath the rising hue
Raindrops wash away
Every painted moon
A rush of freezing air
Upon sun-kissed colored skin
Kiss with every morning
Until sun falls once again

A flash across the sky
Burning deep beneath my eyes
A breath upon my neck
Caress beneath my lips
So tender, warm and tainted
Hypnotize while starry skies
Rock back and forth in ships
Oceans distance everything
But hearts can travel far
Until the words can find me
And time will hold its place
Painted moons wont wash away
And every gold will stay
My heart will follow with you
With every rise and set

Summers pass at speed of sweat
Guard love again with walls
Winter comes, stealing light
Begging darkness fall
Every kiss and word
My heart will glow, just then
And every hand placed on my skin
Revives the sun again

Paint your love upon me
None shall wash away
Moons will pass and sun will fade
Love grows with every dawn-
Hope with every day
Forget me nots are wilting
Vines release their hold
Thorns soften down to roots
Each orchid left will bloom
Nothing much is left alive-
Few are left to dew
A single tear of sadness
For those whom did not last
Waterfalls of joy
Because I am left
With you

Confliction To Nothing, To Know One

How funny.
Chills race down my spine
This isn't a competition
Waking with the moon falling
The sun meets her halfway
A graceful trade 
It's early
I can still hear you breathing
Though I realize it's been months
I feel your arms wrap me
Closer and closer until...
Shortened breath
I close my eyes
And you're gone
I still can't breathe
Paralyzed too
Here i lay
Drenched in sweat that shouldn't be
Here I am alone
I'm alone today
I'm alone yesterday
I'm alone tomorrow

It becomes easier to be alone
No one to break promises
No one to break
I've been lying awake
Hours have passed, have I moved?
Even slightly?
I can't remember
All muscles are stiff
It might have been days
Possibly weeks
I wouldn't know, my clock broke itself
It wouldn't shut up
It's its own fault
Telling me. Telling me constantly,
How long I've been alone

I dreamt of you again
I wont sleep tonight
It's easier this way, for the both of us
The one who knows i'm better off
And the one who holds me here
Unable to move from this spot
There are two of us now..
The she who is sane and at peace
And the she who is insane and longs for peace
Peace is not to be taken, it is to be accepted
So here we lay, drenched
Awaiting peace