Illusions

When you're away 

I long for your skin on my skin

When you're away

I long for your body beneath mine

When you're away

I long for your lips on my everything

When you're away

I long for your breath on my neck

Be it 5 days, 

5 hours, 

or 5 minutes.

I long for you. 

Veils

You are the light that veils the mountains as the moon drifts off to sleep

You are the warmth on my skin while the unforgiving wind sends shivers through me

You are the crisp acceptance of truth as my soul drowns, alone

With you, I have air

I have sun

I have warmth

I have laughter

And you,

You have all of me.

The Show Goes On Without You

I'm standing in the hallway near the kitchen.
Watching her hips move slightly as she dusts off the window pane.
Every time she leans forward her breasts smear the dirt she's attempting to remove.
It always turned me on to see her natural state in such an exotic manner.
This is what I miss the most. Her ghost leaves a scent that only I can recognize.
Others say it's long since gone, but I can still see her there.
I can still smell her lingering sweetness as her memory passes by me,
 to lay down after another one of our endless arguments.
She cleaned when she was upset; as if to sort away all of the pain I caused her.
It's only when she's gone I realize how little I did to really love her.
The curve of her hips to her legs presses against the corners of the couch,
 as if to hide her exhaustion from me. I know she's tired of me.
I grasp the edges of this fading memory as if I could grab her by the arm and force her to stay.
But she has been gone a long time. And I am still here, begging her to come home.
But this was never her home. I built a cage for the woman I loved.
A stage for her to entertain me. I stared at her body instead of into her soul.
I answered her questions before she asked them.
I never had time to see her, to hear her, to feel her...
I pushed her from room to room, away from me further, every time.
I begged to own her body rather than asked her to share her magic with me.
Her love-making was magic that I pretended was a show to buy tickets for,
and I could be the only audience member, but I was never in the show.
Now that show plays in my memories,
and I would give anything to turn my worthless tickets
Into a resume, into a headshot, into a chance to worship that magic.
But I didn't listen, I didn't feel, I didn't see her. So she gave away my part..
When I didn't even know there was an understudy. 

A Forest of Me

I’ve been trying to find my way through the darkness. I know it isn’t night, because my soul finds comfort in the stars and the moon- who have always had a way of directing me when the sun has laid to rest. This is emptiness. This is the realization that even though there are those who offer love and support, through this, I must travel alone. I must stumble through the void and fumble for the pieces of myself I have lost along my journey with him. Still, this isn’t loneliness. Because each time I find a new piece, I can feel something new intertwining like vines into my veins. My roots dig deeper into the earth. I blossom. I am no longer tattered bits of fabric for another man to tear. As I wade through the deep, my eyes begin to adjust. Every new path shimmers. I am comforted now by my own company. I may be covered in scars and stitches, but I’ve discovered my very own diamond thread. ________ He’s a coward for all of the ways he refuses to accept what he did. The darkness is no place for a coward. This is the hallowed ground where I’ve grown to accept my demons. I’ve learned to love my darkness, as my darkness has loved me. I dare you to challenge me here.