Glass House

My stomach cringed. My body quaked. My lips quivered. My heart ached. I believed you and I were somewhere else. My eyes felt like a never-ending waterfall. Each drop splashing onto my lap like a tidal wave; weighing down everything in its path. And then it ended. My eyes became still. My body became hollow. The burning in my heart ceased and my shaking hands became frozen in place. I became still. A shell. There, I sat. Lifeless.

Beauty is in knowing how far we have fallen and how far we have risen after we have been broken down.

A Letter To The Love I Have Not Met Yet

I have loved you a thousand different ways. I have loved you with a handful of different faces. I long for your honesty so deeply I have foolishly tried to trick my own heart into seeing you in another. But my heart is far wiser than the eyes I use to gaze upon them... Far wiser than the hands I use to hold them close. Far wiser than the lips I use to lure them close so that I am not alone up until the day I find you. My heart is far wiser than the abused mind that tells me I am alone, and I will never find you.

My wise heart has found bits of you scattered through the universe. My wise heart hears you in the echo of the rustling trees and in the waves that crash at my feet as I write to you love letters long before I have seen your true face. Because however long it takes for me to find you, I have always known you.

My wise heart sees you in pale blue skies and each and every time I close my foolish eyes because I can hear your laughter carrying the wind and it calms me. Because I know you're out there, waiting for me too.

Sometimes my foolish mind grows egotistical and impatient. My bitter mind laughs at my calm heart, teasing scoffing, "What a foolish heart you are. You will never find him, because he is not there. Your loneliness is your only friend." My wise heart stands in serenity. "Mind, it is you who are the fool. You are so insecure and unkind to mock. Your laughter is only hurting you. If you were to remain calm, you too would hear the truth in the trees and the waves at our feet and the beauty that carries the wind. It is our love."

So my wise heart educates my foolish self.
I am listening.

Forgotten Toys

I feel like the game operation
I stood, perfectly bare
Allowing you to nervously pluck at my heart
So you might be more gentle when the real thing
eventually appears
Unfortunately for me,
It didn't take very long for you to master your craft
I would watch as you moved from limb to limb
Leaving scars in the shape of your lips on my body
I don't know if they're real
I still see them
I still feel them
To me, they're as real as the eyes
You would drown me with when you asked
How I got prettier in the last five minutes
Pretty
And smart
And funny
And awesome
And amazing the way our bodies connect,
And our minds lead the way,
With friendship and a general understanding
That life is hard, so let's keep it simple
Yet somehow, I'm still target practice
"I didn't mean to play you"
"I didn't mean to hurt you"
Take some responsibility
When you lay your eyes on a woman's bare body
While she bares her soul
Then you pluck at her heart with your words, and your hands, and your eyes...
Then you tell her there is another woman
With whom you connect,
You shatter every corner of reality that exists within her heart
Because suddenly she is asking herself and everyone around her,
"Well then what the fuck did we have?"
I feel like the game operation
Now when I see a man I'm attracted to
My first instinct is to cling to my clothes
Cover my heart,
So that maybe he won't notice it's missing
That it was plucked out by another man who set it aside
God knows where in his messy fucking apartment,
Or maybe it's in the dark corner of the junk drawer,
Along with the other toys he doesn't want to play with anymore

Renascence

Suddenly your palms find me
Effortlessly, I concede
A sea of black
Surrounding me
I can't see you, I feel you
Eventually comforts change
I have been drowning in desperation
Your lips find me
I wake with a bang
My sky is lit with glitter and dust
I can see
I can feel
I can fly
I am awake
I am alive